The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
