I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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