The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
