I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
