Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
nutella sex= disaster
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
