someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
