i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
