the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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