Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
