she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
