I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
