i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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