Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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