Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
