All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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