part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
