My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
