fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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