I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
