Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
