Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
