I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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