he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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