Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
