what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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