dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
