sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
