So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
