Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
