girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she smelled like a LAN party
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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