Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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