Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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