My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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