I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
