I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
