I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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