If i come over, it means nothing
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
