well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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