At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i believe in u and ur pee
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
