I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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