I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
