Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
