HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She's the barista slut.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
