I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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