i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
