; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
