You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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