Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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