I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
That reminds me...we need to get swords
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
