Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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